just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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