My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
