We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
