The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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