I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
