Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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