Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
