I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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