You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
