we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
