I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
