Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
