He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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