are you so shy because you have an std?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
