i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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