I heard we made out
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
