There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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