Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
