You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
