yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
