Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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