Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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