Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
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