Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My hand turned me down
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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