My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize