I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
