watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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