Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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