The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
