You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
