I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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