Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have aggressive nipples.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
