i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize