Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
