Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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