Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
