I love black thongs
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
