I just pynch a tree in the face
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize