I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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