As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
