i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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