drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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