you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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