too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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