Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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