Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
