Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We got so high we made milksteak
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
