I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
