haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
