Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
