She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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