So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
