I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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