I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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