So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
