True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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