Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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