Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
