This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
