My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
