come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
