Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
