those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
