Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
