We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
