then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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