life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
