Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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